Diary of a Girl-Next-Door Heavy Metal Novelist

Are you...

...heading to the NY KISS Expo on May 1?

AND

...interested in a free KISSfiction T-shirt

AND

...willing to wear said shirt while not talking smack about me?

CLICK HERE to learn more about how the free shirt giveaway works.

Expo details available at www.starzcentral.com/kissexpo

April 9, 2004
I'm tired and I have no idea what's going on with publishing right now except that it's stalled. I've been crazy busy and preoccupied with the day job lately, but today, I started feeling a little defeated.

But then I took a nap. If there is one thing this brazen hussy can do, it's shamelessly promote herself. So I worked on that. If the public demands Won't Get Fooled Again, who is some honcho to withold it?

April 10, 2004
Catatonia never felt so good. Somehow, I mustered the energy to dye the increasing number of white hairs that pop up on my scalp back to their natural(?) shade of chestnut. I also noshed on some of the candy the Easter Bunny a.k.a. Aunt Paula a.k.a. Detective Tootsie Chase sent me.

I emailed a friend to see if she'd help me with some undercover promotional efforts. Ms. Tootsie Chase would be proud of my top-secret antics.

April 11, 2004
Today's the day we of the Christian ilk celebrate Jesus moving his beaten down body out of his tomb to spread the good word. I, on the other hand, could barely drag my ass out of bed. That's probably why Jesus is Jesus and I'm a rock & roll novelist.

I have been doing some book work this weekend, mostly because I have a laptop and a DSL cord that reaches my bed. Imagine what Jesus could have done if he'd had high speed internet access. He probably could have died for my sins AND written a KISS-inspired epic. Thank God he didn't think of it first. Can you imagine the last supper with Judas painted up like Vinnie Vincent? Heaven help us.

April 12, 2004
I'm one of those chumps who waits until April 12 then goes to one of those H&R Block places where they take pity on me and file my taxes. Actually, this is only the second year I've done that, but for dramatic purposes, let's imagine the dreariest picture possible.

This year, the fellow who helped me in '03 sat down with me again. With unending patience, he typed up everything from my $1000 photo session with KISS to my $4 phone call to Toronto to bargain for the Canadian permission to use "Flaming Youth" in Living the Fantasy (that darn Bob Ezrin is a Canuck). After warning me that if I didn't make $$ from Won't Get Fooled Again, I would owe the government a lot of $$ next year, the accountant reached under his desk and pulled out...

a copy of last year's Happenings article. "I was hoping you'd come back again this year," he said. "You're probably the only famous person I'll ever have as a client."

Sadly, the only autograph he asked me to sign was at the bottom of my Schedule C.

I saw Becky last week in Philly, and I told her "This year, I might have to pay for admission to the Rock Hall of Fame, but next year they'll pay me an honorarium to show up." She humored me, and that's just one of the reasons I love her. My family is the greatest!

I'm trying hard to set up a book meeting with the powers that be during my trip to NY for the NY/NJ KISS Expo in 3 weeks. Oh, glorious KISS Expo, take me away...

April 15, 2004
The dates for KISS's summer tour were released today. They're starting a month before I expected, which doesn't serve me well in terms of promotional zing. There is no way I'll have my winnebago by then, let alone a hottie driver. Paul, where is the love?

April 16, 2004
Will this month never end? As is usually the case with April, I overcommitted to musical performances, day job duties and putting my literary eggs in one basket (albeit a pretty good basket). What I really need to do is go on a farewell tour with the wind ensemble, demand a huge promotion and dump it all in favor of book stardom. Yep. That's just what I need.

April 18, 2004
I'm always reading articles about how authors need to learn the business end of things even though they really just want to be artists.

Choosing a book cover design? Editing? Ugh. I want to get down to the meaty stuff, like trademark and copyright negotiations. And, to be perfectly honest, what I really want to do is find some really hot outfits for this summer's KISS fun. Maybe I'm an artist afterall. (continue)