DIARY OF A GIRL-NEXT-DOOR HEAVY METAL NOVELIST

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August 22, 2005
I had a four-hour lunch with a member of my new Board of Directors today. A couple weeks ago, I was worried that I was going to run out of cash before my year of promoting Won't Get Fooled Again concluded. Now, I think we all might get filthy rich. Money = power = influence to change the world. I have no problem with that.

I know none of this is as interesting to readers as the alleged scumbag I may have mentioned yesterday or perhaps even my song selection at karaoke last night, but here's the deal - if I get obscenely rich, I'll be sleeping around with tons of rock stars, and then my diary will get really really...

...really boring because I don't KISS and tell. Sh*t. Maybe it's all downhill from here.

So, anyway, I brought down the house with a particularly well-executed key change in "Break It To Me Gently."

August 23, 2005
I'm getting close to a first draft of the nonfiction project I'm working on. Once I have my part done, I'll have to conduct a little research and collect some interview quotes from experts in higher education. Sexy stuff, right? In between typing sessions, I do spend time thinking about my miniskirt/fishnets combo for the upcoming Chicagoland KISS Expo. There will be no talk of higher education anything that weekend.

Four more days until I see KISS Nation, my most extra-special favorite tribute band. My poor roommate for the weekend has a daughter who's going to college in a year, so I'm planning to interview her for the higher ed book while we're pumping our fists in the air and yelling "ROCK 'N' ROLL!!!!!!!!!!." Maybe I'm a lost cause.

August 24, 2005
I made the leap to Target.com and French Amazon this week. There's something really sexy about a guy in a beret ordering Won't Get Fooled Again, but I can't figure out what it is. C'est la vie.

Three more days until KISS Nation.

August 25, 2005
I feel like I'm really in the swing of things. I've been invited to talk to a local school about teaching a class on writing in the spring, and a couple signings just availed themselves. I'm making steady progress on the new day job that I'm creating for myself, and I got some of my romantic blues out of my system at karaoke tonight. A leathery drunk man in a mesh baseball cap that said "I 'heart' Intercourse" told me I was awesome. Man, this is just how I dreamed life as an author would be! Are all writer-slash-celebrity-writers living as fabulously as me? They WISH!!!

Two more days until KISS Nation. If I still have any lingering woes in regard to my heart by Saturday... Well, a tribute band probably won't cure them, but they can at least kick their ass for a solid two hours. God bless rock & roll.

August 26, 2005
Summer is usually an active time in my social life. I get a little tan, get a little fit, and get a little dating action in. By this time of year, things wind down and my day job kicks into such high gear that I can't focus on anything but higher education. AND I LOVE IT.

Except I quit my day job.

Tonight, I went back to campus to give an interview to three of the most charming reporters I've ever met. I was a little nervous, wondering whether I had all my diplomacy skills intact, and whether the emotional impact of being at the College while they were getting ready to start the new year tomorrow would nag at my heart. On my way out of my condo, I asked a neighbor I'd never seen before, "How are you doing tonight?" She said, "I wish I looked like you -- long legs and a stick-thin body." I wish things like that didn't matter to me, but when I was anxious, she gave me a kick of confidence. When I talked to the reporters, I could really feel in my heart that I still wanted to inspire people to hunt down their dreams. After the interview, I got in my car, and I heard these lyrics.

You who are on the road
Must have a code that you can live by
And so become yourself
Because the past is just a good bye.
Teach your children well,
Their father's hell did slowly go by,
And feed them on your dreams
The one they picks, the one you'll know by.

Tomorrow morning, someone else will give a pep talk to the staff I used to love, and they will welcome 590 students who can become more than they are. I'll have 2,129 more words written in my second novel, and a little bit of satisfaction knowing I spent tonight watching Tommy Lee go to college and Gene Simmons teach rock school while they worked their asses off. Tomorrow, they'll be confronting alcohol abuse and crazy parents while I'm rocking my heart out with KISS Nation and plotting my benevolent revolution of higher education.

Hey, man. I've got a code I have to live by. Rock on, everybody.

August 27, 2005
Since it's after midnight, and I'll be at the KISS Nation show tomorrow, I thought I'd add my entry early.

August 27 is National Rock & Roll Day. Isn't that PERFECT?!?!

August 29, 2005
I was it high gear today. I lined up an interview with a NYC radio station, nabbed a book review for an upcoming Sunday paper, confirmed a couple upcoming book events and sent my promo materials for the Chicago KISS Expo to the printer. Last night, I was wiped out from my quickie trip, but I worked on my next novel and headed to karaoke, where a woman encouraged me to attend an open audition for professional singers tomorrow. William Hung, eat your heart out! I'm not going. I have to become a book star before I rock.

KISS Nation kicked ass, and I always love seeing their extended family of fans. Yesterday, I had a dream about Paul Stanley (which, in dream form, is always nice) and this morning a dream about another sweet guy who swims through my imagination from time to time. I swear, rock & roll is the inspiration for all my dreams. I can't wait to get so sleep tonight.

August 30, 2005
I met with a woman today about teaching some classes about writing and life during the spring semester. When I got home, I had an email from a former student from my existence previously called the day job. It was a great ego stroke (my former staff wants me to come back and work my magic) but I know I can't do that without the blessing of the folks who took over after I left. What a mess - and really, the people who get hurt are the students. Sucks. Instead, this fall, my academic life consists of watching Tommy Lee go to college and Gene Simmons teach rock school. I guess that has to be enough for now. In fact, I just got a fine workout from the guy who gets me all sweaty, Gym, and I need to shower up before Mr. Simmons takes his place at the front of the class. Ciao.

Check out the updates to my travel calendar. Am I coming to a town near you?

August 31, 2005
Holy heck, I made it up to #15,147 in the book rankings on Amazon today. That may not sound impressive, but when most books hover around the 450,000 mark, I was feeling like John Grisham.

Psst: I just sneaked over to Amazon, and I saw that John Grisham's The Client is #630,816 while Won't Get Fooled Again is #38,201.By tomorrow, he might be kicking my ass again, but it's was a nice day at the top.

Last week, I went out to see one of my favorite singers, Damion Wolfe, and - no lie - he invited me on stage to sing with him. We did an unrehearsed but passable version of "Leather & Lace." Today, he sent me a picture as a memento. I'm a fan!

I'm not leaving tomorrow for Chicago, as planned. I'm not leaving the next day either. I rock. (continue)