DIARY OF A GIRL-NEXT-DOOR HEAVY METAL NOVELIST

December 8, 2004
Something very special is about to happen. All the forces of nature and rock & roll are converging. In a few minutes, I'm going to sit down to watch the A&E Biography of Gene Simmons. I'm only 3 days shy of the anniversary of my very first KISS concert -- perhaps the most destiny-changing event of my life. Tonight, a big-time publicist called me from NY to discuss the possibility of representing me. Just a few minutes ago, I saw that KISS Nation is doing a gig in Lancaster next month. Tomorrow, my KISS koach is going to meet with Gene Simmons in person and deliver my letter. I don't know whether to crank Revenge to 10 or pray -- because when you idolize the God of Thunder, it's really the same thing, isn't it?

Someday, when A&E airs the Colette Shaw Biography, they will show a photo of this journal entry. I hope I spelled everything right.

December 9, 2004
I was sitting in a little exam room waiting for my annual doctor's check-up today, and I started to put things into perspective. I've put a whole lot of my hopes and dreams and anxiety into the hands of one man who can provide one signature and respond with one fax. But maybe I've put too much of myself into this focused effort, and I should just remember that I'll be fine as long as I have my health.

Oh, f*ck that. Show me some love, Mr. Simmons!

December 10, 2004
Tomorrow is the 6th anniversary of my first KISS concert. Tonight, I met up with my friend Lisa, who jumped up on stage two summers ago to sing the finale song with trib band Cold Gin. As we were talking, "Rock & Roll All Nite" started playing in the restaurant. Cosmic signs of KISS things to come? Usually, I would not classify RARAN as one of my favorite songs, but when I hear it performed live or very loud, I feel a sense of urgency to hunt down my dreams and force them into submission. I don't need cosmic help with that plan -- just a signature. That's a pretty small price for a dream, and yet more generous than I oft' imagine.

December 13, 2004
After several days of hand wringing, Koach KISS said, "All will be well," and directed me to send a follow-up fax to Mr. Simmons. All I can do is have faith. Meanwhile, my day job keeps throwing me bones. Meaty ones. A faculty colleague offered me a partnership opportunity today that she called "The Dean and the Queen." I wouldn't hesitate if I could be sure we'd squeeze in quality time for the King of the Nightime World.

December 14, 2004
Kurt bought me a mini leather trench coat over the weekend for our publicity photoshoot. There is no way I can fail now. The world must see me looking like Mrs. Peel.

I agonized over the wording of the fax cover today before I sent it off. How many times recently have I had to remind myself that I'm one of the brightest people I know? Still, it took forever to come up with, "Dear Mr. Simmons, I wondered if you'd had a chance to take a look at my request."

Brilliant, I know. Right? It smacks of humility and cerebral fortitude. What I really wanted to say was, "I have a black leather mini trench coat and matching knee-hi boots that would look spectacular with a pair of fishnets. Please don't let this dream die. Oh yeah - my book is good, too."

Seriously, it is good. It deserves a life, and the small bit of KISS I use is full of love.

December 15, 2004
Publicity photos. I love the sound. I have a photographer who is brilliant at telling a story with his shots, and another friend who makes everything beautiful. With Kurt, we carefully plan wardrobe, location and poses. Terri and I met today just to talk about vibe. She has won awards for her pictures of flowers and my only request was, "Make me look like one of your poppies." I'm pretty sure she will! I gave myself a pedicure tonight to get ready. I'm to sexy to worry about anything- almost anything.

December 16, 2004
I'm to stupid two know how to put the second "o" in too. Ugh. The shame. I ruined a perfectly good Dec. 15 punchline. Anyway...

For the past three years, I've encountered numerous occasions when my life that resembled those of my protagonist Suzanne Curtis. I threw her into the worst possible dilemma I could imagine -- being utterly powerless as she awaited news of her fate. No matter how smart, poised, creative, ambitious, etc, she just can't affect an ugly outcome that awaits her and the many people who rely on her for their livelihoods. I remember when I was writing Won't Get Fooled Again, I did not want to write an ending in which someone rescued Suzanne from the dilemma, even if it meant she would ultimately fail. I've barely had a free minute to consider "What would Suzanne do?" if she were deciding the future of her beloved day job v. her quest as a rock & roll afficionada. Suzanne has her own version of Koach KISS, and at several key moments she begs him to just tell her what to do, but of course he will not. He can't. Only Suzanne can decide which risks she will take.

I think it's time to pull out my book.

December 17, 2004
I owe so many people so much I'd never be able to quantify their contributions. Koach KISS is putting in a phone call for me to find out what's up with the big guys. I bought him a bag of Skittles™ last weekend, but I'm not sure if that's enough to show my abounding gratitude. Terri Cooke made me look like one of her flowers. We spent tonight just getting comfortable with each other as photographer & subject, and we stumbled upon a location that she turned into the perfect studio. I'm going save up my money to buy her two bags of Skittles™.

My father says to my sister: "I don't want to bug Colette, but do you know what's up with her job?" Sadly, I am gainfully employed at a wonderful place with wonderful people who think I'm nifty and worth a decent salary. Alas, Dad's dream of his daughter throwing her successful professional life down the toilet for a chance to tour the country in a Winnebago with her assistant Joe Prince hasn't quite come to be. Don't lose hope, Dad. I will be a starving artist as soon as I can. (continued)