DIARY OF A GIRL-NEXT-DOOR HEAVY METAL NOVELIST

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July 20, 2006
One of the cool things about moving back to the area that's half way between the two towns I grew up in is that I occasionally get to see people I missed during my stretch of vagabondism. This week, I saw one of my best friends from high school, and found that she still looks young and gorgeous (which is good for my own uncontrollable vanity) and making a living as a writer. Like me, she fell head-over-heels with a great guy this year, and even had the good luck to discover that he's been a huge KISS fan as a kid.

Rumor has it that Bruce Kulick will be traveling through the area with Grand Funk Railroad. He might roll his eyes at me, but I'm going to ask him if he'd like my man and me to take him out to dinner while he's here. I could take him for my first visit to the famous Dinosaur Barbecue.

I have tons of hilarious material from my new day job but, for the next few weeks, I'll need you to call me Queen Restraint. You may also call me Your Highness, if you prefer.

July 25, 2006
The countdown to the KISS Army march on the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has begun. I haven't seen anything about it in the mainstream media, and barely in the KISS media, so I'm not sure how many peeps will show, but I'll be there with a pen in hand. KISSonline, KISS's official website, has asked if I'd like to write an article about the event for them, and who am I to turn down Gene, Paul and the world of rock & roll?

August 1, 2006
I've only been at the new day job for a month, and I spent this afternoon working on my résumé. I love the new job, but it needs a little spice, so I'm working on a website for my students, including my vita. It's 100 degrees outside, so tasks like that help me feel doubly cool.

My fishin' man and I just got back from Old Timers weekend in the town where we grew up. We were excited about showing off our coupleness. On the ride down, we wrote the outline of a murder mystery screenplay that had only a few plot holes. A horrible stench at the reunion made us wonder whether one of the neighbors was storing dead bodies in her cellar. Voila! The plot holes were filled! If you're a famous producer reading this entry, please feel free to make us an offer. We'd like to see Mel Gibson cast

...in some other movie, please.

August 12, 2006
The KISS Army march in Cleveland took place a week ago. I decided at the last minute to skip the festivities. I was afraid maybe I wasn't going for the right reasons. It looked like a great time, and a classic moment in history. In my gut, I knew that if I'd stuck with the planning committee, they could have increased their numbers to the thousands they had predicted, but the gang of 250 raised quite an impressive ruckus. Congratulations to all.

While I spent most of this week wondering whether I should kick myself in the ass for staying home, I learned about an amateur KISS tribute CD in the works. Some already-established groups are going to contribute songs, and I'm going to team up with a pair of individuals who play drums and guitar. If all goes according to plan, I'll be the vocalist for "Do Ya Love Me?" How fun! I made the guys promise that if they hate my vocal work, they'll just pretend that my master recording was damaged. I've gotta go practice...

August 14, 2006
Doggone it. If I weren't kicking myself for not going to Cleveland last weekend, it turns out that Mike Nichols, my favorite reader, went to the KISS Army march.

Any chance we can catch up at the October 1 Cincinnati KISS Expo, Mike? I hear there are going to be some fun surprises.

August 21, 2006
Bad news and good news. I've heard that there won't be a Baltimore KISS Expo in 2006. That's always been one of my favorites, but I guess that will make 2007 all the more special. The good news is that Cincinnati is a go - and I think I'm going to be one of the special guests. I premiered my book at the 2005 Cincy Expo, and I couldn't be happier to return. Aaaaaaaaaaand, they're going to premiere something else that's very special this year. Hell yeah!

August 27, 2006
It's been crazy around my day job since, like many universities around the country, we opened for business this weekend. I wasn't so nuts, though, that I didn't squeeze in some attention to Won't Get Fooled Again. I received an email from my publisher last week telling me that inventory was running low (yay!) but I thought of a great promotional idea. Heck, maybe I clean out Loose Slips Press and they'll have to run more. This is very cool.

September 1, 2006
I had my first interaction with my day job students this afternoon. My guess is that they think I'm pretty nerdy. They're very smart. I also met with one of the professors whom I will be collaborating with in another course. I swear, at least once a day, something happens that makes me feel deeply proud to be a part of the university where I work. Working with a colleague who believes in social justice as much as he believes in the sciences is a thrill.

Today, I was supposed to reopen my half-finished second novel, but I think I'll spend the weekend attending to Won't Get Fooled Again instead. I have a feeling it's about to catch fire again.

September 7, 2006
Whoooeee, I'm pooped. Classes started this week at my day job, and as much as I love teaching (I have excellent students!), it's tiring to extrovert all day. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Here's an observation, though...

The place where I work has a reputation of being a nerd school. That is definitely part of the appeal for me. Hanging out with a bunch of smarties all day is fantastic. These aren't rich, arrogant smarties, either. They have an edge of cool that I'm not sure even they realize.

Anyway... There's a certain look our students have, and I haven't quite found the words for it, but I can tell you this: Since I moved to Upstate, NY, I've gained 15 pounds. It's the freshman fifteen I never packed on when I was supposed to. The pants I used to wear around my hips are suddenly riding up above my belly button, and I realized twice this week that I'd shown up at work with high water pants. This school is also a place where fabulous has no role. I think what that's starting to mean is "Farewell, red lipstick, my old friend." "Goodbye, pencil skirts that made me feel like Lois Lane." "Oops, I guess I forgot to touch up my roots." I am starting to look like the place I've already begun to love. I'm the happiest geek ever.

September 16, 2006
The good news is that I shed two pounds last week and I was barely trying. The bad news is that I'm still going to be a little plump in two weeks when I hit the Cincinnati KISS Expo. Potentially even worse: I'm about to leave for a photo shoot this morning. I'm helping out a photography student who needs to shoot five rolls of film. I was hoping to get my hands on some of them if they turn out well enough to use for promotions. Is it possible to airbrush the onset of a double chin?

September 20, 2006
Wow! What a shoot! The photographer and I hit it off right from the beginning, and we exhausted five rolls of film in no time. I was feeling like a complete supermodel, willing to do anything (PG rated) to get an exciting shot.

"Roll around on the ground." Okay!
"Stand in the middle of traffic." Sure!
"Break and enter!" No problem!
"Jump off that wall." Bring it ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhwwwahhhhhh! Ouch!

Yeah. The supermodel isn't 25 anymore. I jumped like a pro and landed like a zero. Splat. My ankle is now a fine shade of blackish purple and I've had to wear my leopard bedroom slippers to work all week because nothing else fits over my watermelon-shaped foot. I'll be honest that I've been looking for an excuse to wear my leopard slippers to work, but I didn't realize there would be pain involved.

Good thing my writing life is fantastic. I received a letter from another author today asking if I'd be willing to provide a review quote for the cover of her new book. I'm so flattered! Only a few hours after that, I was asked to submit a bit of writing to one of my favorite celebrities for his new official website. I can't tell you who it is, but I can only hope to provide an essay as magnificent as his ass.

September 24, 2006
The supermodel is back! Well, sort of. Rod got out the digital camera a couple nights ago to capture my purplish greenish sausagish foot. It's been a week since I wiped out, and the swelling has finally gone down after a weekend of lying on my back and eating Rice Krispie treats. I also finished book seven of the Harry Potter series. Man, do I wish I could write like that.

Last night, I submitted a writing sample to the Celebrity Who Must Not Be Named. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I hope he loves it!

Next weekend is the Cincinnati KISS Expo! I have lots to do before then, but I can't wait to get there. There will be no high heels this year, but I should leave that to the professionals anyway.

September 30, 2006
Rod and I made it safely to Cincy. We made a 100 mile detour by mistake, but I've learned that I've found a worthy companion. Neither of us was happy that we didn't notice our wrong turn, but there was no undue stress. What a man.

I'm not expecting big sales tomorrow, but I do think some of my fellow-venders like Bob Kulick will help me put together my lesson plans for next week's classes. KISS, literature and copyright ethics... I think it's a winner. (continue)