Diary of a Girl-Next-Door Heavy Metal Novelist

May 26, 2004
For the first time since I started hanging out the Gym, I was tired at work. Could it be that I was up late dialing in votes for American Idol contestant Fantasia Barrino? I'm such a fan - and her new single makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. I love a symbiotic relationship.

I started doing some minor editing for Won't Get Fooled Again tonight, and I wrote about three paragraphs for my next article submission... but really I just want to crash. As Kelly Clarkson once said, "Some people wait a lifetime for that one special KISS." I've waited this long. Gene Simmons and Co. can give me an evening off.

May 27, 2004
Oh Fantasia, Fantasia. How do you expect me to get anything done when I spend all day glowing from my southern pride? I did live in both Carolinas, and I once spent the night in High Point. And I sing karaoke! Really, when you think about it, Fantasia and I are like sisters. Except she's cool and talented and I'm a KISS-inspired novelist.

I spent my pre-karaoke time tonight working on a letter to the philanthropy I'm trying to woo. I plan to deliver my (fantastic!) book manuscript to them tomorrow. Post-karaoke, I found out I'd missed a tentatively planned dinner reunion with the Docu-man (boo) and I found out I'd successfully pulled off an artist switch with my publisher (yea!). Somehow the news erased the shame I felt from singing the Titanic theme as the closing number at the bar. Were I of the military ilk, I'm pretty sure I could be court martialed for torturing the audience.

Disclaimer: My court martial defense is solid. The Titanic theme was a request from someone else. I think his name was Rumsfelder or something like that.

May 28, 2004
My manuscript is now in the hands of a philanthropic group with whom I believe I could make beautiful music. Next week, they'll receive letters of support from significant others.

Tonight, I spent some quality time with Gym. I think it would be fair to say that we had our most intense physical interaction to date. At the risk of tarnishing my girl-next-door image, I have to say that Gym has some excellent equipment, if you know what I mean.

Tomorrow is a huge day. I'm planning to do some heavy duty editing and, maybe more importantly, I'm making one of my pilgrimages to SaveMart. If I'm going to be stuck indoors all weekend, I should at least have a healthy supply of lip gloss.

May 29, 2004
In one way or another, I'm pretty sure McDonalds shapes the way I perceive everything about the world. When I was a kid growing up in a tiny town, I considered a big city anyplace that had its own McDonnell's. "Getting up early," like I did today, means that I make it to the golden arches in time to purchase a sausage mcmuffin w/ egg. I fueled up on cholesterol then headed to SaveMart. Last year, hair gel was meant for styling. This year, I have to buy gel colorant to cover the grey.

Nothing gets me pumped for editing like a new stick of silvery blue eyeliner. I was inspired to trudge through almost 400 pages of tweaks. Tomorrow, I'll be engaged in actual rewrites. I have to say, I appreciate professional editing, but I LOVE the feedback from Melissa, who seems to know and adore my characters.

May 30, 2004
Rewrite done. The corny chapter is now only semi-corny. I have to read it a few more times for flow, but I like it a lot better than before. A couple days ago, I was looking for something on my harddrive and I found one of the original versions of my manuscript. It was from two years ago, and I hadn't even finished the book yet. The parts I read were laughable. I want to do a "compare documents" viewing soon so I can see how much I actually changed. In order to finish the first draft I had to give myself permission to suck, but I feel like I've learned the art of polishing. That will be tomorrow's task.

May 31, 2004
I've made it through 31 days of no red meat, deep fried food or soda. I've also worked out 5 days a week. Am I healthier? Probably, but pound for pound, the tanning bed is still my favorite part of my summer routine. I can be a novelist/hermit and still wear shorts without blinding people with my alabaster legs.

I polished into the early morning hours and again today. I'm almost at the point where there is no part of my novel that makes me cringe. This is fantastic! Will critics love it? Who cares! If Jackson Hellam gets under readers' skin half as much as he has mine (I've spent the better part of this holiday weekend fantasizing about a fake man!) I will have made the world a far better place. (continue)

June 8, 2004 Mr. Simmons Releases: A**HOLE