DIARY OF A GIRL-NEXT-DOOR HEAVY METAL NOVELIST

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November 8, 2005
When I was growing up in Western, NY, I had crushes on the rock & roll radio personalities from Buffalo. Danny Neaverth was the host of my morning preparation for school, and Chuck Lakefield introduced me to KISS and other bands during the Top Ten at Ten each night. What I didn't realize was that DJs became radio stars because only a few look good. Then there's Erik Fenton, the host of Big E Sports on RockLandWorldRadio. He's super fine and super fun. I'm aiming to be the Terri Garr to his Dave Letterman. On tonight's show, we talked about KISS, NBA and – unexpectedly – Star Wars. He's a clever enough host that he got me to say both "Harrison Ford is a putz" and "I'm pretty sure that's not Gene Simmons's real hair." Were I actually a celebrity, those quotes would be all over Yahoo News at this moment. Sometimes it's nice to be a nobody.

November 9, 2005
Gotta love the Poconos. After a glamorous meal at the local A&W, complete with a frosted glass of rootbeer, a cute young thing followed me to my car and asked me for a date. If he'd read Won't Get Fooled Again, it might have felt like deja vu. Except it's completely different.

The retreat in the mountains gave me time to set up the skeleton of my budget for '06 and type 2000 words of my next novel.

November 10, 2005
I'm two for two if you're keeping track of how many 24-year-old men have hit on me over the past two days. Since the summer, that's a running total of four who haven't hit the quarter century mark. What exactly does that mean? When a dude tells you, "You look really great for your age," is that really a compliment? Here's the thing: In the book I'm currently writing, the lead character gets it on with a younger man. He's 24. He was 24 back when I wrote the original outline of the novel three years ago. I think Demi is okay, and if I could be Susan Sarandan when I grow up I will have won the older chick lotto. As it stands, I freak out over every new grey hair and wrinkle I find, but the Ashtons keep lining up. Sorry, boys. I'm not looking for a character study. I'm saving myself for Tim Robbins.

I got a sneak peek at the Christmas KISS Museum catalog this afternoon. It's super sexy, and holy sh*t, it has my picture it in! Five years ago, I wouldn't have imagined that I'd be a speck in the universe of KISStory. I just wanted to immerse myself in college administration and listen to KISS tunes the rest of the time. For me, that was the definition of "rock & roll all nite and party everyday." I'm not sure that my aspirations are terribly noble now, but my belief in people's ability to shape their own destinies is starting to solidify. I wish I could imagine where I'll be five years from now.

November 14, 2005
Since I'm on the subject of so-called freaks, I've gotta give props to the laser-sharp focus of the record collectors. I may have seen five women the entire day at the record expo, and that seemed to be just fine with the collectors. At one point, I was rifling through my gear, and I found the black strapless bra I've been looking for for at least a month. I quickly hid it under some of my book propaganda. I had a feeling the undergarment wouldn't go over so hot with that particular crowd. They're not gay. Not at all. They just like records, records and nothing but records. I briefly considered grabbing the bra and swinging it over my head like Wonder Woman with her golden lasso. I would have shouted, "Guys!!! Hey--over here!!!" It would have taken a while to get their attention, let alone their eye contact. Then I would have yelled, "You're kinda missing the point of rock & roll!!!" I'm pretty sure they would have looked at me, looked at each other, shrugged, and finally, one of them would have broken the tension with, "Do you by any chance have the 1974 Defranco's debut album with the yellow label?"

With that anecdote, I will change the subject and say -- "Hey guys!!! It's the holiday season, so I'd be most obliged if you'd please buy my book at my online gift shop!!!"

November 15, 2005
Man, did I ever suck at wind ensemble rehearsal tonight. I messed up every single song. Good thing we don't have a concert this weekend and good thing I'm not going to miss the dress rehearsal. Except I am. Sh*t.

Tomorrow, I hit the road for two book programs. I think I'll call it the Sticks Tour, in honor of my crappy drumming and the rural locales. I'm excited about both, as the public library staffs at both locations have been huge supporters. I'm not sure whether anyone will be in the audience other than my dad tomorrow or my Aunt Tootsie Chase on Thursday, but seeing them will be just what the doctor ordered.

For those of you who are relatively new to KISSology, I'm referencing Dr. Love, as introduced on the Rock & Roll Over album, released November 11, 1976. Got that, chatty man?

November 16, 2005
The Sticks Tour is off to an excellent start. Big props to the JV Brown Library in Williamsport, PA. They had a big turnout for my program, healthy sales, and–I can hardly believe it–Colette Shaw pinups. I was asked to sign a poster of myself. For one nanosecond I felt like Farrah Fawcett. Even if it makes me seem more vain that I already am, I'm going to frame that sucker and hang it in my livingroom.

Tomorrow, I'm going to eat at Gramma's Restaurant, which was the inspiration for Aunt Edna's in Won't Get Fooled Again. From there, I'm heading to Elkland, NY where a guy has a huge KISS collection in his print store. Then, it's Texas Hot time. I'm going plenty early so I can eat he best chili dogs and coconut custard pie in the world before my library presentation. KISS and heartburn somehow keep the universe in balance.

November 20, 2005
It's been one crazy week. Yesterday was the 1-year anniversary of submitting my letter of intent to resign at my day job. It was the 5-year anniversary of when my mom passed away. And, heck if Paul Stanley didn't decide to get married yesterday. I'm not sure what it all means in the cosmos, but in most regards I tried to avoid drama.

The Sticks Tour was a big success and lots of fun. I have some money to put in the bank, and I got to see my dad and Aunt Tootsie Chase, but not long enough. I came back and worked on the website for my new day job and updated the KISS Hall of Fame site.

Am I forgetting anything? Yep. But I've gotta run to karaoke.

November 21, 2005
Radio sports hottie Erik "Big E" Fenton posted my November 8 interview on his website. LISTEN NOW. If nothing else, it's recorded proof that we're both sports, KISS and Star Wars nerds. Fast forward through the first 30 minutes to get to the geek gold. (continue)