DIARY OF A GIRL-NEXT-DOOR HEAVY METAL NOVELIST

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November 27, 2005
I just got back from a 2-day guest appearance at the Philadelphia Record Expo. It was a great crowd, and it also kicked my Amazon sales up over the weekend.

Tomorrow, I have to pack again for a return trip to NYC for the Christmas episode of "New York Rocks" television show.

It's fun playing the author, and forgetting about my academic life sometimes, but every once in a while I have a moment when my alter-egos collide. Yesterday, a few people walked up to my table, locked eyes with me, and then unzipped their jackets to reveal KISS shirt. It's a funny but common icebreaker. Toward the end of the day, a young woman walked up, gave me the familiar gaze, and started unzipping. I expected to see Paul Stanley's face pop out from under her hoodie, but instead I saw something that made my blood turn to ice.

She was wearing a shirt from my old day job.

Oh, f***! A former student. I think that was a first for me. I don't run into students at biker bars or KISS conventions. My two worlds usually maintain a safe distance from each other. Or so I thought.

"Did I know you when I was Dean Shaw?" I asked.

"No," she explained. "But you came to my music class when I was a freshman and taught us about KISS."

Somehow, knowing that I had intellectualized heavy metal in the classroom, I felt 100% relieved about the encounter. Just as Won't Get Fooled Again helped me make peace with my different worlds, so had the ghost of careers past.

November 30, 2005
I had lunch with my former day job boss today, and he brought me a newspaper with a big color photo of me on the cover. I actually subscribe to the paper he had, but I had tossed mine on my pile of materials I use to line my cat litter pan, not even noticing my big goofy-smiling mug on the front. Is this what it's like to be Paul Stanley? Probably, except that I have two cats and he has the finest ass in the world.

December 2, 2005
I haven't done such a hot job of keeping up with my website here, but dang if I'm not burning up the bandwidth at my other baby. The KISS rally is coming along, and it's pretty exciting to watch as it takes shape. In my role as the KISS Army publicist, I've been issuing press releases and trying to train some of the leaders of the movement with my father's famous saying, "Don't tell everything you know." It's a good exercise in patience and polish.

I've been featured in a magazine called Lancaster County Woman this month. It's the first press I've gotten for my pending new self-created day job. I haven't read the article yet (man, I really am getting to be like Paul Stanley, who claims that a good picture is better than any article), but as with other written media, I always appreciate when they spell my name with both one and two Ls throughout. I've thought about changing my name to go into my higher education consulting, but maybe I could just create a phoenetic match. Kallette Schauw could be the sophisticated scholar while Colette Shaw is flying around the world to ogle rock stars' asses while she writes off the adventure on her taxes.

December 3, 2005
I love a great publicity photo. I added a new one to my "In the News" page. It's an exta bonus when they get the fact straight. I'm learning how rare that can be even with the most seasoned reporters. This dude got the details perfect.

December 7, 2005
Aw, dude. I don't know what's happening. The past couple weeks have been a blur of emotion and blind faith. Or something.

They say, "Write what you know." I think I followed that advice pretty closely when I wrote Won't Get Fooled Again. Business executive with a double life? Check. Protagonist whose devotion to her mentor turns to disillusionment? Sure. Leading lady jaded when it comes to love? Yepper. Love itself? Well, that's another story.

The fact that I wrote a romance-y novel is somewhat hysterical because I'm not sure I actually believed in the trifle - not just in fiction, but at all. I've enjoyed the adventure and entertainment of romance, but I've protected my fragile heart pretty well. When asked about my romantic future, I said I hoped to avoid anything deep but if the real thing ever fell out of the sky, I hoped I'd be smart enough to recognize it.

I've been feeling pretty smart lately.

December 11, 2005
Tight, baby. It's how I like Paul Stanley's ass, friendships, and KISS tribute bands. This weekend provided the goods. Since the magnificent ass is a fantasy, it is ubiquitous. Love Gun delivered with a balls-out performance I haven't seen in a long time, and my friend Antoinette and I could not be tighter.

Tonight is the anniversary of the first time I saw KISS live. I can remember what I wore and what I ate that night. Whatever magic emanated from those four guys still inspires me to live my dreams. At last night's show, my friend and self-proclaimed #1 fan Mike Nichols told me that he's watched my documentary "Living the Fantasy" over 40 times, and he repeated the title a few times. "Living the Fantasy." Yep, everyday––and it seems to be getting better all the time.

December 14, 2005
I'm heading to the snowbelt region of Upstate NY tomorrow, so I went shopping for some last minute essentials. What does a celebrity author wannabe pack? Always one to be prepared for the worst, I stocked up on a deep conditioner for my hair, a new eyelash curler, and plenty of coffee-tinted lip gloss. I'd hate to skid off the road with unfashionably chapped lips. Sheesh.

What will I pack for my return to PA? Hopefully, some photos capturing two big goofy smiles and a better idea of where my heart, head and ass will be in 2006. Cheers.

December 15, 2005
I'm going to have lunch with this guy tomorrow. Then I'll be spending some quality time with this guy tomorrow night.He caught me a delicious bass.

If you've ever seen Napoleon Dynamite and the infamous Tom Snyder interview of KISS, you might think I'm funny. To the 99% who are shrugging your shoulders, I hope you'll forgive me.

December 16, 2005
Before leaving for my trip, I had to stop off for my annual doctor's checkup. Those are always good for inappropriate blogging material.A few years ago, I was told that I had "a tiny uterus." I wasn't sure whether that was good or bad. This year, my doctor complimented me on having "a cooperative cervix." Now, that is definitely an affirmation! If you're looking for a cervix that can collaborate effectively and preserve diplomacy in even the toughest circumstances, I can make a referral!

Antoinette and Heather, if you're reading this, you know I don't believe in the zodiological crap, but it did cause me to scratch my head when I realized why this dude might like a Pisces. I think this relationship could be great for my writing career. Fish metaphors never get old when it comes to romance, right?

December 21, 2005
After today, I will only write about gushy stuff in a self-mocking tone. But, just for the record:

I'm in love. (continued)