DIARY OF A GIRL-NEXT-DOOR HEAVY METAL NOVELIST

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September 29, 2005
It's 2:00 a.m. and tomorrow morning, I'm going to career day to talk to 6th graders about the glamour of being a celebrity writer. Here is some of the lowdown:

• I've written a novel and it's fun, sexy and smart. (I'll have to leave the sexy part out tomorrow, but if I recall 6th grade, they'll read between the lines). I get to travel and meet rock stars, and it's all a tax write-off!

• I get to wear pajamas from 9 to 5 if I want.

• Even though I don't have a "job," I'm busy as hell (although I'll say "heck").

• Being glamorous does NOT mean being rich.

This week, I saw the fruits of some of my labor and newfound expertise, and it's pretty cool watching the project blossom. I've been appointed as the official publicist for the KISS Army March on the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. The event doesn't occur until next August, but the PR machine is in motion. I put together a press release that's starting to get some big-time coverage. It's exciting as hell to work on a project this big, but it's overwhelming, too. In a lot of ways, the success is as scary as the fear of failure. Ultimately, this experience will be fantastic for my career, and in some ways it's the closest thing I've ever done to using my Speech Communications degree.

I never could have managed this if were still a dean, and every day since I "retired" I've been reminded that I made a good decision. Today, I ran into one of the students who made it really difficult for me to leave because I wanted to work with her so much. She told me, "We always say, 'Colette used to tell us __________,'" which I hope didn't just feed my ego, but made me feel like I left a legacy after all. It's hard to explain to people that I left a great job in academia to be a KISS writer, but for me, I'm still on a linear path.

...even if this journal entry isn't.

October 1, 2005
Since I don't supervise a staff anymore, I didn't anticipate saying these words this year: "I'm proud." The two guys I'm working with to plan the Hall of Fame rally aren't special events planners. They're two guys with enormous hearts. They also LEARN FAST. We had a meeting tonight, and they got it. It was so cool to see us dividing up tasks, and when something would go on a tangent, they'd bring it back. I knew this could be big, but yesterday I got a little overwhelmed with the response from all over the world. For many KISS fans, they are feeling emotions they may not have tapped into since the Reunion Tour or maybe even the beginning. I know this job is a big one for my résumé, but I love it because it's close to my heart, too. I'm watching the press materials I wrote making their way into the hearts of people. Rock & roll isn't the cure to cancer, but it's healthy.

This coming weekend, I'm meeting with the board of advisors from my new day job, which is also a group of people who make me feel proud all the time. I'm feeling some of the same emotions I used to when I was a college dean who kept her heavy metal alter-ego a secret. I'm actually going to task the group with helping make up a new name for myself so my clients won't know that the rock & roll PR agent is the same woman helping them keep their children safe. I will never escape my dichotomy.

October 2, 2005: COLETTE ANSWERS LETTERS FROM FANS

Dear Colette,
I'd desperately like to buy a copy of Won't Get Fooled Again, but I can only read and write Japanese. Help!
Sincerely,
Torn in Tokyo

Dear Torn,
Don't worry. Just click this link. But, wait. How did you send me that letter?
Colette

Dear Colette,
Has Karma ever bitten you in the ass?
Sincerely,
Curious in Kansas City

Dear Curious,
As a matter of fact, tonight at karaoke, I remembered I was running low on toilet paper at home, so I used the public restroom to save myself a few squares of tissue. Wouldn't you know, I chose that stall that had no... You can guess how the story ends, I'm sure. I consider myself bitten exactly where you asked.
Colette

October 4, 2005
Tonight, I held Tommy Lee's sticks in my hand. Notice, that's plural. A friend of mine met Motley Crue recently and she brought back a pair of sticks. I've been drumming for a lot of years, but I've never had a really great pair of sticks. If I get to keep them, I think I'm going to use them for orchestra. I don't really NEED the rubber grips or the perfectly balanced design, but I'll look cool as hell when I spin them through my fingers during the next Shostakovic symphony.

October 5, 2005
Tomorrow morning, I'm going to give a presentation on "building a persona." I'll be discussing marketing and promotion, and using this website as an example of the down side of creating a character. I've gotten used to the fact that people who read this - even people who know me well - sometimes think this is my real personality. I don't lie on my website, but believe it or not, I'm not always happy, and I do have a life that doesn't involve rock stars who wear makeup. I also struggle to decide how I want to be perceived. Since my book hit the shelves, I've really toned down the flirty aspect of my writing. Last night, I was dying to write all sorts of naughty things about what I wanted to do with Tommy Lee's drumsticks. There was so much material! First of all, the word "stick" itself could have been used a hundred different ways. Add to that the fact that the sticks had handles covered by rubber -- and that the rubber part was ribbed...!!! You can see my dilemma.

Ironic, isn't it, that I used to write my sexier material while I was a college dean, but as a former college dean, I've gone from the wit of Carrie Bradshaw to the nitwit of Terry Bradshaw?

In creating the new persona - the lavender-toned bland-as-sh*t writer, I've lost my edge. I think it's time I ribbed my audience -- for my pleasure.

October 6, 2005
Some weeks, I feel like I'm treading water. I'm working my butt off, and barely seeing progress. Then I have a day like today, and I'm one of those synchronized swimmers, with my body surging out of the water and my hair perfectly in place.

This morning, I spoke to the most receptive group I've met with in a long long time. I provided a lecture about the process of developing a public persona. I was able to talk about Won't Get Fooled Again from not just a fun standpoint, but an intellectual one. There were lots of wise women in the audience, and I remembered how much I miss having female mentors. We talked about feminism and playing the drums (which are related, in many ways). One of the women said she was a 73-year-old drummer. She was so cool! They bought my novel and refreshed my spirit.

A couple bookstores just started stocking my book, and I got a new speaking gig for the spring. Tomorrow, my board of advisors for my consulting business is coming to town. I'm feeling rich in every way. (continue)